Tag: Career

As many of us are, I am particularly hard on myself when it comes to work life. I participate in egregious inner conversations concerning a host of topics; including an inability to tolerate boredom and a long-standing uneasiness speaking in front of large groups. When these arguments arise, I am particularly unfair and inflexible. Admittedly, these conversations are infrequent, but are surely damaging.

Being hard on yourself isn’t a rarity — but it is can weaken your work life core. Indeed, we all have bad days and weeks. We all have relative weaknesses. We all have doubts about ourselves and an armory of bruising experiences that could feed that opinion. Yes, from time to time, we all participate in “inner speak” that does us no favors. But, how do we prevent this dynamic from becoming a habit? How do we stop the assessment of ourselves from becoming rigid or petrified? How do we shift (even slightly) our deepest doubts about our own work lives to avoid a deeper fissure?

We might learn something from how we share our broader views and values on subjects other than work life. Moreover, the process of conversing effectively about our own career internally, can benefit from some sage old wisdom & research.

• Commit to fighting fair. Closing yourself off to a competing or more positive view, will encourage long-standing damage. (Bringing up a highlight reel of every blunder or failure, will not help you overcome a fissure in your foundation.) Make a pact with yourself to construct an equally powerful positive reel to combat negative arguments and soften the dialogue.
• Examine what lives behind the doubt. Where there is smoke, there is often fire. Look at the contributing events that may have caused the fissure to develop. What really happened? How can you be instrumental, not helpless — in preventing a similar situation? Mitigate the effects as soon as possible. You can take responsibility for your own contribution, without losing respect for yourself.
• Don’t throw yourself overboard. Know when to engage in this internal argument. It is easy to throw up our hands and launch into extreme negativity, when you are at your worst (in the midst of the challenge or issue). Try to avoid the entire argument, until your environment is more stable. Calmer minds prevail — and help you move to the the other side of the argument.

Ultimately, our work life core is ours to protect and nurture. Make it a priority to always fight fair.

About the Artist: Monica Bond is a New York-based illustration artist, working with both analog and digital techniques to create art from the soul. In each piece she emphasizes the message, “this moment is your life.” Her passion for creating art became the driving force of her own life when she discovered that the artistic process itself brought her purpose and peace. Monica grew up between Milan and New York, went to college in Rome and now lives outside New York City with her husband and two daughters.

Marla Gottschalk is an I/O Psychologist & work life blogger who explores core stability and the dynamic nature of work life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, her practice helps people, teams & organizations build stronger work life foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work life have also appeared at the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

“Yeah, it might be all that you get. Yeah, I guess this might well be it.” – Theme from Ted Lasso, by Marcus Mumford & Tom Howe

During a coaching session, a client & I stumbled upon a vein of the past involving a less than perfect manager. The relationship ended years ago; yet, the leftover angst created by the relationship was definitely present. The manager wasn’t a horrible boss by any stretch of the imagination. However, it had left an indelible mark on how my client viewed his own capabilities.

I should go on to say that in my opinion, the perfect manager or role does not exist. In fact, reflecting upon my own path, I cannot think of a single job held, project completed or key individual that hadn’t “let me down” in some way or another. But — hold on. Not let down, in the manner your mind may rush toward. Not in a manner synonymous with either neglect or incompetence.

I was let down by the nature of my own expectations.

And these expectations, were only bounded by my personal stores of optimism and hope.

The underlying issue of course, is getting beyond the gap that exists between expectations and reality. You may be the type of individual that is ever-hopeful, usually leading with the belief that the best will unfold. Yet, none of us have control of the work life universe. Moreover, I would venture to say that gaps between expectations and reality are likely a key contributor to so many career outcomes. Outcomes such as lowered engagement, broken psychological contracts & turnover.

How might core stability help? I’m not certain. Yet, I have the sense that a strong “home base”, has much to do with the recovery phase of a let down.

Here is what my client & I spoke about:

• Learning through the wave of emotion. Where there is emotion, there is meaning. Where there is meaning, there are elements that are vital to our workplace identity. In many cases, leaning in and processing our own shock is the task at hand; where that level of shock is correlated to the degree of how we actually got things wrong. There is value in our reaction to the outcome, in that we can prepare for it when it next occurs (and it will). This can only happen if we begin to understand what we truly value and protect it with a calm, supportive internal dialogue.
• Re-framing. Whatever happened has happened. We cannot manage the world or dictate what occurs; as our expectations cannot always guide outcomes. Our assessment of the character and capabilities of others can be off. Our hopes may be unrealistic. However, we can learn to handle that disappointment in the best way we now how. In many cases, this might involve backing up to examine the larger dynamic of the event — and gaining a deeper understanding of the operating eco-system. Ultimately, increased clarity is one key that may help us handle the expectation-reality continuum.
• Sharing what you need/want/expect. Expectations aren’t always foolish, if we are willing to know ourselves and communicate what we need from either an individual or situation. What is foolish — is thinking that others will always take the time to accurately read our hearts & minds — or have the motivation to do so.
• Manage narratives. A lingering story can often emerge about ourselves when these gaps erupt, and these do us no favors. How we might have appeared or been assessed by someone, shouldn’t define us forever. We need to depend on the internal currency of our known strengths to rescue us from the breach.

How do you process the gap between expectations & reality? Tell us in comments.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist & blogger who explores core stability and the dynamic nature of work life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, her practice helps people, teams & organizations build stronger work life foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work life have also appeared at the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

As a coach, it is vital to reflect upon my own work life and learn from its experiences. Ultimately, offering advice without introspection — could read as empty & hollow. As with most career journeys, there have surely been highs & lows. I’ve held roles that were for the most part glorious, where work felt like an expansion. I’ve also found myself in roles that were challenged from the start, leading to doubt and exhaustion.

All in all, no matter what the cards hold for us — there are constants that should be present to sustain us. These elements provide the foundation to both endure & expand.

Here are a few I’ve noticed.

• Practice radical self-knowledge. I’ll be blunt. I only refer to this dynamic as radical — because we usually fail to truly understand ourselves, which deeply affects our journey going forward. Of course, no one can fulfill this for you. (Self-knowledge is essentially a labor of love.) This begins with monitoring your levels or energy, then understanding what feeds your workplace soul & what ultimately drains it. It is building in moments of pause to reflect on how we respond and change. There is no substitute. (When I work with teams, we never broach collective team dynamics until we complete the individual discovery process.)
• Work where your skills & strengths are valued. Organizations are needy creatures, lopsidedly offering rewards (both intrinsic & extrinsic) when specific skills are required. For most of us, we’ll find ourselves in situations where the alignment of our skills & an organization’s current needs, is not present. Know that your strengths remain worthy — they are simply not simpatico with the business landscape of the organization in which you currently work. Recognizing this fact can protect you from harsh self-judgement and could free you to move along to thrive somewhere else.
• Find career advocates (other than yourself). Self-reliance is obviously an important aspect of career evolution. For example, you must be able to reflect upon & communicate your core needs & goals. However, other perspectives of what is unfolding for you career-wise will benefit your journey (a 30,000 foot view for example, is vital). This article published at HBR, aptly discussed the notion of a career “Board of Directors”. These would be people who do not work with you directly, but are able to weigh in on career matters when needed. Start with 2 or 3 people who might offer opinions that you trust & respect. Try to avoid making career decisions in a vacuum. This will invariably backfire.
• Make a habit of envisioning your future. One of the most useful articles I’ve read in the last 10 years is this one: You Need to Practice Being Your Future Self This piece tells the story of how we become mired within our current career context and fail to envision ourselves differently. While it is well and good to address current issues at work, this leaves little room for what could come next. Until we devote time to ignite our powers of imagination regarding work life — it can be difficult to grow.
• Finding moments of excitement. Personally, I’m fine doing the difficult, and sometimes tedious tasks of my role. However, I find moments of exhilaration are necessary to sustain me. A pounding heart before a client presentation. The thrill of a new data set. Whatever excites you at work needs to be present, if at all possible. These moments may be indeed be rare indeed — but they fuel the work life soul.

Have I missed something? Please share it in comments.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist & speaker regarding the dynamic nature of work life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, her consulting practice helps people, teams & organizations build stronger work life foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work life have also appeared at the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

I’ve been suffering from writer’s block.

I’ve never experienced this state of mind personally, and my tool kit to combat it isn’t fully built. The experience could be the cumulative result of so many factors; the pandemic, family challenges/changes and my own evolution. On some level, I view this “forced hiatus” as necessary. A required break. A brick wall secretly erected to deflect my path. Somewhere, in the recesses of my unconscious, change is afoot.

I believe there is a reason for all of this — and resolution will come.

You may be experiencing your own form of “writer’s block”. It may manifest as a lack of passion for your work, a nagging sensation of restlessness or the feeling that everyone and everything at work annoys you. I view this as valuable information to be processed and utilized. It can be the fuel for needed change. I don’t think any of us has been immune to the passage of history we have just experienced. You may be feeling the impact in this moment.

In the scheme of things, writer’s block may not rank highly in the field of life’s problems — but it is indeed real. So, rather than being absent on this channel, I’d like to share a few strategies for moving beyond this frozen inflection point.

These are a few of the quotes that seem to melt the icy path toward my keyboard. They explore topics such as creativity, the notion of a muse & why our work is vital to us. (Hopefully, topics for future posts.)

As always, respecting our core is vital. So, each of the following bits of advice addresses some part of our work life foundation. The first reinforces my philosophy that self-knowledge & respecting our individual differences is key at work. The last, that there is always something to be discovered and shared with others.

Please share your favorite quote in comments & what it means to you, whether or not it is one that I’ve shared. Looking forward to the conversation.

1. No one is you, and that is your power. – Dave Grohl.
2. Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place. – Rumi
3. I am my own muse, the subject I know best. – Frida Kahlo
4. A line is a dot, that went for a walk. – Paul Klee
5. There is nothing so stable as change. – Bob Dylan
6. The good life is a process, not a state of being. – Carl Rogers
7. It is never too late, to be what you might have been. – George Eliot
8. Love and work are the cornerstones of humanness. – Sigmund Freud
9. If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. – Lao Tzu
10. Somewhere something incredible, is waiting to be known. – Sharon Begley

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist and a charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program. She is the co-founder of Goba — a consulting practice that helps people & organizations build stronger work life foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work & organizations have appeared in the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

People change — that’s a given. Organizations change. That is also a given. What we desire (or require) from our work lives, evolves right alongside these elements. Although pay and benefits certainly play a role — remaining in our current role has much to do with the enjoyment derived from the work we complete. So why is it that so many of us hesitate to make a change, when the fit just isn’t there?

I often enter people’s lives when they are moving from one career chapter to another. In many cases, this transition can become quite a stressful experience. (But, not for the reasons that you might initially think of.) I’ve found that the “nuts and bolts” of this transition, are often not as challenging as the emotional struggle that occurs beforehand. We clearly fight change, for a multitude of reasons.

Transitions are not easy, but we can tackle a change. When you are at the fringe of a new beginning — things can appear very, very fuzzy. This creates much trepidation and worry, so a strategy will help.

Here is my best advice to help you move through this:

• Accept the need to move on. We spend a lot of time forcing situations to work, that are ultimately doomed to fail long-term. This will not stop the inevitable. Change is difficult — but often worth the trouble. Entertain the notion that you can discover a better option.
• Set your vision. Determine exactly what you are striving for — and offer that vision the respect it deserves, by defining the “edges”. (“I’m unhappy” is not a call to action.) Do the required research that will offer direction. What is working? What is missing from your work life? What role are you aiming for? What must you do, to move in the right direction?
• Do something — anything. We often dismiss change, because change looks insurmountable. Tackle the process in much smaller steps — but start somewhere. For example, begin by completing one action a day to drive you forward. (One call, one conversation, one e-mail, one new network connection.) Not unlike earned interest, your actions will compound daily.
• Give things time. It is often a shock to realize that your current work life, will become a part of your past. You must offer yourself time to grieve for what has transpired, and develop a positive outlook for the future. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You’ll tackle the individual elements (where, when, how) as they come. Have hope that the right solution will emerge.

Have you successfully changed your career for the better? Share your story (and strategies) here.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, consultant and coach She is the Director of Thought Leadership at Kilberry Leadership Advisors, Toronto.