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As many of us are, I am particularly hard on myself when it comes to work life. I participate in egregious inner conversations concerning a host of topics; including an inability to tolerate boredom and a long-standing uneasiness speaking in front of large groups. When these arguments arise, I am particularly unfair and inflexible. Admittedly, these conversations are infrequent, but are surely damaging.

Being hard on yourself isn’t a rarity — but it is can weaken your work life core. Indeed, we all have bad days and weeks. We all have relative weaknesses. We all have doubts about ourselves and an armory of bruising experiences that could feed that opinion. Yes, from time to time, we all participate in “inner speak” that does us no favors. But, how do we prevent this dynamic from becoming a habit? How do we stop the assessment of ourselves from becoming rigid or petrified? How do we shift (even slightly) our deepest doubts about our own work lives to avoid a deeper fissure?

We might learn something from how we share our broader views and values on subjects other than work life. Moreover, the process of conversing effectively about our own career internally, can benefit from some sage old wisdom & research.

• Commit to fighting fair. Closing yourself off to a competing or more positive view, will encourage long-standing damage. (Bringing up a highlight reel of every blunder or failure, will not help you overcome a fissure in your foundation.) Make a pact with yourself to construct an equally powerful positive reel to combat negative arguments and soften the dialogue.
• Examine what lives behind the doubt. Where there is smoke, there is often fire. Look at the contributing events that may have caused the fissure to develop. What really happened? How can you be instrumental, not helpless — in preventing a similar situation? Mitigate the effects as soon as possible. You can take responsibility for your own contribution, without losing respect for yourself.
• Don’t throw yourself overboard. Know when to engage in this internal argument. It is easy to throw up our hands and launch into extreme negativity, when you are at your worst (in the midst of the challenge or issue). Try to avoid the entire argument, until your environment is more stable. Calmer minds prevail — and help you move to the the other side of the argument.

Ultimately, our work life core is ours to protect and nurture. Make it a priority to always fight fair.

About the Artist: Monica Bond is a New York-based illustration artist, working with both analog and digital techniques to create art from the soul. In each piece she emphasizes the message, “this moment is your life.” Her passion for creating art became the driving force of her own life when she discovered that the artistic process itself brought her purpose and peace. Monica grew up between Milan and New York, went to college in Rome and now lives outside New York City with her husband and two daughters.

Marla Gottschalk is an I/O Psychologist & work life blogger who explores core stability and the dynamic nature of work life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, her practice helps people, teams & organizations build stronger work life foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work life have also appeared at the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

In my mind, our expectations for the holiday season feel a bit misaligned. Many of us are juggling typically high expectations — in the midst of a pandemic world that simply feels a bit unhinged. Personally, it feels much like a bad dream playing out in slow motion.

Within our work lives though, it feels as if things are speeding up. That mountains need to be moved. That work has been put off. That we need to get going. Alongside all of this, we may have evolved as people (and so have feelings about work), in ways that may be difficult to pin down.

I would venture to say this is somewhat of a universal experience.

A “great rearranging” — so to speak.

On a core level, you should be free to feel the way you do about things — whether this has energized or drained you. Ultimately, it seems that we have been gifted an abundance of clarity. A reminder to step back. A realization that we should be focusing on what is important. And clarity is a gift, if we have a plan to wade through it.

So, what is to be done? How can we take what we now know about work life & use it carefully. Wisely. Precisely. How do we help our teams process this great “rearranging”. How do we get through it as individuals?

For what it’s worth, I’ve been thinking differently. Thinking small. Small moments. Small, meaningful gestures. Maybe we can apply a similar strategy to work life. Perhaps we can face where we are now at work — in measured, precise fashion.

A few suggestions:

• Have a conversation about a single element of the psychological contract that may have shifted for you (or a team member).
• Identify one career goal for 2022 — that holds true meaning.
• Lose one goal that no longer serves you.
• Re-examine one obstacle or blocker to success.
• Be grateful for one glorious co-worker, client, supervisor or mentor.
• Focus on one success that unfolded in 2021 & truly revel in it.

Let’s take a deep breath, slow down & think small.

But with a wild overabundance of heart.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist & speaker regarding the dynamic nature of work life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, her practice helps people, teams & organizations build stronger work life foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work life have also appeared at the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

I’ve been on somewhat of a bent lately — sharing both observations & articles (my own included) concerning job fit. Perspective is key here. Particularly if & when, we are stuck with one way of examining how we align with our work. At a root level, this topic occupies a good deal of bandwidth within my own career & with those of clients, whether that energy is selection or development focused.

This is for good reason.

Job fit matters.

This week I’ve re-shared my most well-read article of the past 10 years, both here at LinkedIn and at my personal blog — 7 Telling Signs Your Job is a Poor Fit. As my readers often do, they pose the questions that need to be asked. In this case from Supriya De:

“Thank you for the insights Marla. Are you planning a follow-up piece on what to do next when in this predicament?”​

I wasn’t actually planning on writing that piece, but realized that I should. In this case, it may be helpful to continue the conversation by considering specific topics that might address and hopefully improve job fit. (Please note that I’ve written on these topics previously, but had never thought house them under the topic of job fit.)

Here are a just few to consider:

• Non-Negotiables. Understanding the unique set of work life elements necessary for us to truly engage (and excel) at work, is vital to find a role that truly suits us. Self-knowledge reigns supreme here — as no one else can conceivably complete this step for you. Indeed this requires a look inward, toward the work-life moments that either drained you or lifted you toward your potential. Yes, this demands both time & contemplation — but it is truly worth the trouble. Start with a list of 5 non-negotiables elements that you require to approach job fit. Own them. Declare them to others (diplomatically, of course) if necessary.
• The Goal Test. Goals are a funny element to ponder, because we are endlessly told to acquire them — but never how to “give them the boot”​. However in many cases, goals can be the root of our job fit undoing. As human beings, we rarely allow for how we inevitably evolve. As we do, as both people & contributors (often unbeknownst to us), our goals also begin to shift ever so subtly. When we fail to realize that our goals have become misaligned, trouble can follow. Goals actually have an expiration date — and reach a point where they no longer serve us. I’ve seen this manifest with coaching clients (at various levels) who are very uncomfortable, but do not identify job fit as the issue. This forces these questions: “​Is this setting fulfilling? Are the goals espoused here in alignment with any of your current goals as a contributor? Do you wish to remain here longer-term?”​
• Career Envy. When I first read about career envy at Gretchen Rubin’s blog (she experienced envy before leaving law behind and becoming a writer), it hadn’t really struck me personally. However, with time — it struck me as well. (I found myself quite envious of creative endeavors, wishing I’d chosen a field such as marketing or advertising. (I’ve since collaborated with creatively-centered organizations.) What I’ve learned is this: the pangs of jealousy may hold a window to our future. Reflect and carefully observe the career paths that evoke envy; then note the specific elements behind that emotion. Is it the setting? The types of projects that are completed? The end-products delivered to a client or customer?

I realize that this short list is only the beginning of a host of topics that we could consider. However, as we start to emerge from the pandemic, I can’t think of a better to time to take stock and note how we have changed — and what we might require to achieve job fit.

Attempt to reflect upon your own industry, your organization and role.

How are you doing fit-wise?

Above all — embrace the you of today.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist and a charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program. She is the co-founder of Goba — a consulting practice that helps people & organizations build stronger work life foundation through core stability. Her thoughts on work & organizations have appeared in the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post

I seem to have developed the habit of personifying social media outlets.

That may sound a bit off. But trust me, it’s not the first time I’ve engaged in this strategy. As a consultant, I’ve always thought of organizations as having a distinct vibe or personality, separate from the clients that I meet. (Some are depressed. Others frenetic.) Over the years, I’ve developed a strong propensity to craft stories out of disjointed facts, observations and conversations. It may be a bad habit. Yet, it helps me makes sense of things at the start of a project, when there are one million details to consider.

This habit seems to have extended to social media. To be quite honest, I usually find Facebook tedious and bit needy. Instagram often feels fickle & hyped up on pretty places (which I truly enjoy, btw) & success-oriented quotes. LinkedIn nearly always feels focused & fair (I have more than my share of followers over there, so I am likely biased.). Twitter feels balanced on most days; a bit like my memory of my high school cafeteria at lunchtime, except for the realm of politics. You are clearly aware that all of the groups are present, but no one really cares if they hang out near you.

My assessment of a social media definitely impacts my willingness to enter into a relationship with them. My patience can be worn thin, just as I would feel when ready to leave a noisy party.

These days, I’m only willing to invest my time and trouble where I feel loosely accepted. I’ll scale back, if I have a clear and present sense that the algorithm is on a path to “ostracize” me. (I’m a proud sort.) I’ve also learned some hard lessons. When re-starting on Instagram, I re-shared a random photo of an old structure in London and the photographer reported me to the powers that be. This unfolded even though I had clearly attributed her, took the photo down immediately & tendered an apology. Turns out she was somewhat of a big deal over there. I explained that my articles are often shared without my direct permission, but if attributed I’m usually ok with it. But, alas this was her foul to call. The onus was on me.

Lesson learned: Don’t share great photos on Instagram? Well, I now know that Instagram is a business for many — and I whole-hardheartedly respect that.

If a coaching client were to ask me about this topic, I know how I would respond: Spend time where you feel uplifted. If something feels wrong, stay away. Build your personal brand where you feel aligned with the “vibe” & you can express yourself.

By now, you’re likely getting the sense that my relationships with social media bear a resemblance a Rorschach assessment. I concur. It is entirely possible that social media has re-ignited my teenage insecurities & I am projecting.

On the other hand, it may simply be a lack of stimulation during the marathon that is this pandemic.

I’m unsure.

You make the call.

Have you ever personified social media?

Share your experiences.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist who focuses on empowering work through the development of a strong foundation. She is a charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program. Her thoughts on work life have appeared in various outlets including the Harvard Business Review, Talent Zoo, Forbes, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

Our early experiences with work are foundational. We tend to write these jobs off as our careers progress, likely because of our age or the role. Yet, whether these occurred at 16 or 22, with a second look — there is always more there than meets the eye. While these roles may not correlate with what we do down the line, they offer opportunities to learn about people, expectations & environments. When I work with developing leaders, history is never ignored & always respected. The Core Intensive begins with exercises that explore the past, and first jobs (along with first bosses) — are often a common discussion topic. For better or worse, these experiences shape us.

The moment I turned 16, my father inquired about where I intended to work.

To be quite honest, this came completely out of the blue. We hadn’t really discussed work in any concrete fashion until that moment. We did have frequent conversations about school work, most often chemistry and my assessment that I didn’t have the brain power to pass the course (he was having none of that). Yet, the expression on his face as he posed the question, let me know that the conversation was a serious one. I needed to find a job — and pronto.

Well, I did find that job.

Luckily, a friend let me know that the floor manager of a large, local movie theater was looking for recommendations to fill a role. It was my first job interview. Mrs. Killeen was an impressive individual, apart from her title & responsibilities — as I could feel her strength and experience during the interview. She informed me of duties; ensuring that all patrons had a ticket, helping them to their seats if necessary, keeping an eye on theater doors, aisles. She also explained that from the moment my employment started I was a part of a team, a representative of that business and a part of the theater workers union. (She also explained that my parents could come anytime “on the house”. I can recall how she would greet them like visiting diplomats, letting them pass through the velvet ropes.)

At 16 of course, the importance of all of this landed completely over my head.

The job included long hours on your feet and knowing your way around a broom & dustpan. In between Saturday matinées, you spent a great deal of time picking up popcorn containers and drink cups. Saturday evenings were often sold out and busy beyond belief. I felt sorry for my co-workers in the ticket booth & behind the refreshment counter. When a new blockbuster was released, it was a absolute madhouse. We would often have to shift patrons to make room for all ticket holders in a sold-out house, which had to be carried out with respect and some measure of authority. As you can imagine, we took the brunt of complaints. (That never got easier.)

Yet — the experience held glorious moments.

We would of course, see the same movie scores of times. To help the time pass, we would memorize the dialogue and take on the roles at the back of the theater. When we screened a comedy, I never tired of hearing a packed Saturday night crowd roaring in laughter. (Sometimes people were nearly rolling in the aisles.) That fed my soul somehow and I’ll never forget how that looked & felt. (Comedies remain my favorite genre.)

I learned much in that building, about the heart of work & how bringing a bit of joy to people’s lives is a reward in itself. When I did well, I was recognized. When I made mistakes, I was put on the right track. I formed strong bonds with colleagues. When I went off to college, I would come back to work on breaks. It was a solid place to come back to. It felt like home.

Of course, with time, everything ends. I recall hearing that Mrs. Killeen had retired.

The building no longer functions as a theater.

But, as I pass it on Orchard Lake road — my mind is alive with thoughts of Saturday nights, spilled popcorn and laughter.

What was your first work experience? What did you take away from it?

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist who focuses on empowering work through the development of a strong foundation. She is a charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program. Her thoughts on work life have appeared in various outlets including the Harvard Business Review, Talent Zoo, Forbes, Quartz and The Huffington Post.