The Office Blend Blog

In one of my favorite workplace movies “Baby Boom”, the protagonist (Diane Keaton)  — a former NYC corporate shark turned mommy entrepreneur, returns to her former workplace as a pursued client.

Initially thrilled with the prospect of selling her young company “Country Baby” (facilitated by the firm which “let her go” somewhat callously), she suddenly realizes that how she had been treated in the past was more than simply “water under the bridge”.

In fact, it was much, much more.

The legacy of that memory, was enough for her to think twice and walk away confidently from the deal. We all applauded her in that sublime movie moment, and the decision that was ultimately was the right one for her character. Yet, she had realized that the events within her former path — held more than just simple history. She held a grudge,

Yet, a workplace grudge can often lead to far less positive outcomes. This includes lasting anger, stress and a lowered ability to handle our our future work lives.

Feeling slighted or wronged in any workplace situation is painful. The realization that you have been passed over for promotion or publicly criticized in a meeting, can be difficult to laugh off. It can be a real challenge to forgive others, when we feel they have purposely acted against us. As a result, we often stay “stuck”, angry and hurt — a massive energy drain which can potentially limit us.

Sadly, the damage of holding that grudge is more likely to affect us — than those responsible for the event.

Ultimately, it is best to resolve the feelings and move on, even when this can seem nearly impossible to contemplate. So — how do we begin to let go of a workplace grudge?

A few thoughts:

• Don’t hide. Many of us will seethe in silence —  rather than deal with the situation head on. If possible, discuss the situation directly with the individual involved. Explore their motivation, as it is important to determine if the action was carried out purposefully.
• Re-assess your reaction. It is possible that you have misinterpreted or over-reacted to the situation. This can be very difficult to evaluate on your own. Talk with a trusted friend or mentor about the situation. They may lend a different (and needed) perspective of the event.
• Play what “if”. What if the scenario posed itself again and the outcome was more positive? (For example, you landed a promotion the next time an opening occurred.) Could you move on and forgive? If the answer is yes, the situation may be salvageable.
• Don’t be blinded. Bitterness has a way of spilling over to adjacent events (and other people). Try not to let one event create a “toxicity” that impedes your progress toward a valued career goal or path. Be conscious of this and contain the damage.
• Be honest. If you feel your negative feelings cannot be tempered, it may be best to move on. Bearing a grudge has emotional and physical costs that can wear you down. Cut your losses and explore changing or departments or seek a position at another location or organization. Utilize the change as a fresh start – and don’t carry the grudge forward.

How have you ever held a workplace grudge? Did you resolve your feelings?

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, consultant and speaker.

Do you supervise individuals who would describe themselves as an introvert?

If the answer is yes, you may want to take a moment to examine how you manage them. In many cases, we hold misconceptions about introversion which can lead to ill-fated supervisory decisions. I’d like to help.

While many people confuse being introverted with shyness — introversion is in fact, about how an individual handles stimulation and processes information. Those on the introverted end of the introversion/extroversion continuum, require a different set of workplace conditions to excel, and we need to become sensitive to their needs.

Small changes in management and workplace elements, can transact into a more comfortable environment which is conducive to success.

A few things to rethink:

• Putting them on the spot. It would be misguided to expect an opinion from an introvert at the “drop of the hat”. One hallmark of introversion is the need to sit with one’s thoughts and process information  — often far from the “madding crowd”. If  you offer an introvert a period of time to process, you’ll likely take full advantage of their skills.
• Publicly recognizing them. Stop yourself. Really. Many introverts would rather jump off a cliff than have attention shifted in their direction without notice. If they are about to receive an award or accolade, let them know what you are planning ahead of time. They’ll appreciate the gesture and have time to prepare.
• Teaming. It’s not that introverts are against teaming —  they would just rather contribute on their own terms. This means time to ruminate over issues on the table and offering a bit of a lull before they will jump into the conversation. To an introvert, teaming can become a bit of a workplace nightmare, in direct opposition to how they would normally approach their work.  So, be sure to offer opportunities for introverts to start the idea generation process before team meetings and allow points in the conversation where they can jump in. (Try pausing 8-seconds before moving to the next topic.)
• The power of a quiet space. You don’t have to be an introvert to appreciate a calm environment in which to process information. Incorporating spaces within your office design that allow for both peace and privacy, is always wise. (Read more about that here.) Someone leaning toward the introverted side of the continuum, will be forever grateful.
• They have nothing to communicate. By nature, introverts can be less likely to share their thoughts — which makes it even more important to check in with them regularly. Send them an e-mail, asking how their projects are progressing. They can reflect and respond on their own terms.
• Introverts cannot lead. Truth be told — you are dead wrong here. Recent research has shown that those on the introverted side of the continuum are more open to a differences in opinion than their extroverted colleagues. As a result, they are more likely to make more informed decisions. In fact, it has been shown their hesitancy to monopolize the conversation, can actually make them powerful team members. Sounds like leadership material to me.

Are you an introvert? What workplace conditions help you excel?

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is a Workplace Psychologist. She also writes for Linkedin and formerly at US News & World Report.

Have you found yourself at war with an entry on your “to-do” list. Are you staring down a task, project or phone call that has been literally chasing you all week (all month for that matter)? Somehow we never fully escape that impending doom. With time it seems the task only looms larger.

Procrastination is a problem that we create for ourselves — and it’s high time we took back the reins.

But, first things first. Why do we continue to procrastinate?

We realize that putting off the task isn’t doing us any favors (and we know this). In most cases, it only delays the inevitable, while increasing anxiety. Yet without fail, we still seem hell-bent on putting things off. It makes no sense, yet perfect sense — all in the same breath. There is a pay-off lurking there and we have to stop the dysfunctional cycle.

Procrastination is indeed a common workplace challenge, and most of us struggle with it from time to time. But don’t fret, researchers estimate that only 20% of us are actually chronic procrastinators (this figure holds world-wide). The rest of us simply have moments when we struggle to take action. With guidance and some measure of awareness, we can usually move through the problem effectively. So let’s dig in.

Procrastination often develops when we have conflicting emotions concerning a task.  causing us to feel torn. An examination of approach – avoidance conflict may lend us a few useful clues. Early theories of motivation, including the work of Lewin, identified the notion that tasks/goals can possess both appealing elements (that will influence us to move toward them) — and unappealing elements, (which influence us to move away from them). It is this dichotomy that often befuddles us. Overall, when a task lies in the future, we feel more optimistic about moving toward it. However, as we move closer to the task or event, the negative aspects become much more salient. These forces influence the dynamic which follows.

It has also been suggested that goals can be characterized as either “approach goals” or “avoidance goals”. An approach goal would reflect a desired or positive outcome, such as studying to earn an “A” — and an avoidance goal would focus on staying clear of an outcome that is unfavorable, such as studying to avoid failing. (Think of all of those failed New Year’s resolutions — were they framed positively or negatively in your mind?) Research has shown that “avoidance goals” have a greater tendency to fall prey to procrastination. So, it seems that how we “frame” our view of a goal is critical.

Approach and avoidance goals can differ in regard to other relevant dimensions as well — and these factors also impact our behavior. For example, those who focus on approach goals are more likely to report feeling satisfied when they actually achieve such a goal. Moreover, personal meaning can also positively affect goal attainment.

Exploring why we feel negatively about a goal, may help us move toward it and possibly understand our tendency to procrastinate. So, let’s peel back the layers and examine the reasons behind our penchant to procrastinate and discuss methods to neutralize them.

First, a few reasons why we might feel negatively about a task:

• The task is overwhelming. In many cases, we delay because the task just seems impossible to tackle. We really don’t know how to tame the “Goliath” — and as a result, we find ourselves completely frozen.
  
• We’re fearful of failure. Unfortunately, failure is often the first thing that comes to our minds. So, we put off a task simply because we feel we are not likely to be successful. Why engage in a losing proposition?
• We don’t want to commit. Sometimes we hold off because we are obsessing over which course of action to take. If we don’t choose — our options remain open.
  
• The task is unpleasant. When a topic area really doesn’t interest us, laboring through it can turn into a long and painful process. On some level, avoiding the task becomes a fruitless form of protest.
• The task seems pointless. If you have ever been stuck with a weekly report that few people read, you’ve likely experienced this. Sometimes we feel that the task isn’t worthy of the investment in our time.
• Collateral damage. In some cases, we develop a negative association between the task and something or someone else. It’s not the task that you feel uncomfortable with, it is the individual who asked you to complete the task or what its completion signifies.
• No rewards in sight. It’s difficult to stay motivated or focused, when the work you are about to complete will  go completely unrecognized. Why bother?
  

Potential solutions:

• Set interim goals. Recent research suggests we should set smaller, approachable goals, to keep performance levels high. This involves identifying “bite sized” pieces that when attacked — add up to forward momentum and a successful conclusion.
• Ask for help. If we feel seriously unprepared, the best route is to reach out and seek guidance. Often, another point of view from a mentor or supervisor can provide a much-needed “jumping off” point.
  
• Collaborate. Drafting a friend or colleague to form a short-term “anti-procrastination” team, can prove to be an excellent approach. In these situations, two heads are usually better than one.
  
• Narrow the choices. If you are having trouble weighing options use this handy sorting method: Put each option on a note card. Choose your top 3. Compare to find the winning plan.
• Incentivize the process. One way powerful method to self-manage, is offering yourself a reward when you make progress. Try attacking your least favorite task of the day first —  then spring for your favorite latte. Offer yourself a “pat on the back”. Breaking the procrastination cycle, is no easy feat.

What techniques do you utilize to tame procrastination? Share them here.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is a Workplace Psychologist. You can also find her on Twitter and Linkedin.