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I realize that we should attempt to accept failure.

However, in the face of it is difficult to convince yourself that it’s a good thing. Failure is certainly a fact of work life that we must accept and master. But, we may need to take a moment to consider this a little more carefully. What is your real, gut reaction when you reflect back on a failure or setback? I’ll venture to say that the moment might remain cringe worthy.

Let’s be honest. Failing just doesn’t feel glorious.

This is where I believe the challenge with failure still lies. Our heads understand that failing can be advantageous to our work (read more about that here), but our hearts and emotions haven’t entirely followed suit. Intellectually we’ve accepted that we need to fail on the road to success — but learning how to live with that failure is an entirely different story.

Somehow we must find a way to calm ourselves and develop the ability to process failure more effectively. This often involves dealing with the emotional remnants (and fear) that develop when things simply don’t go as planned.

Failure may be necessary — but, digesting it isn’t ever easy. A few things to try:

• Alter our associations. We initially define failure negatively, when it actually holds useful information. Researchers, for example, routinely experience a great number of disappointing outcomes on their way to a breakthrough. We should attempt to unlearn our typical view of failure, including labeling a misstep as an “end point” that is devoid of value. A less than positive result can point us toward a worthy alternative path.
• Make perfection the enemy. We tend to equate perfection with success — and needed revisions with failure. This can prove destructive, causing us to limit what (and when) we share with others. Successful organizations, such as Pixar, encourage sharing an idea mush earlier in the creative process; accepting the notion that an idea can develop and improve.
• Re-frame your emotions. Research has shown that how you view a discovered obstacle is every bit important as the problem itself. Attempting to extract a positive piece from a failure, no matter how small, is critical.
• Utilize humor. Attempting to disarm negative emotions with humor is highly advantageous in times of stress. If you can somehow see a trace of humor in a failure or setback (give this a bit of time), it is a solid start in the direction of recovery.
• Bolster fortitude. It has been shown that “grit” — the ability to stick with a task and focus on long-term goals, is key to dealing with failure. Take a break to re-gain energy, and then persevere. Promote resiliency and the discovery of  a”Plan B”.
• Broaden our view of history. We often focus on the successes of others, but forget that their journey included many twists and turns. Highly productive individuals such as Richard Branson, practice methods to master the emotional side of the failing — including banishing embarrassment and dwelling on regrets.
• Take another perspective. You may have convinced others that a setback in their work lives should not deter them from trying another route. Think of your situation. What advice would you offer them, if they were in your place? (Then take that advice to heart.)

It can be disheartening to experience a failure — but we can learn a thing or two from these moments.

How do you deal with a failure or setback? What are your strategies to help you recover and move forward?

A version of this post has previsouly appeared at Linkedin.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist and workplace strategist. She also writes at Linkedin.

Please note: We are all aware of the personal/financial ramifications when we consider a job change. Take this post in the spirit in which it was written: to be helpful.

Many of us have experienced the wrong job. I would say that fault is difficult to assign. However, it may be dawning on you that your work life is dangerously out of alignment. Nothing is worse than throwing yourself into work with the best of intentions —  yet things seem to continue to go very, very wrong.

The trick to this situation? Identifying the problem for what it is (in very short shrift) and acting to make meaningful changes. Poor matches do happen. Recruitment is not always loaded in favor of applicants — and selection is not a perfect science.

So, take a deep breath. Let yourself off the hook and do what you can to avoid a long-term soul sucking experience.

Remember that “withering on the vine” is not a viable career strategy.

Here are 6 signs that you should be paying attention to:

• You feel lost. Have you been experiencing the classic nightmare that you arrive at class, only to find that you’ve not read a single page of the textbook and it is final exam day? This should not be your experience with work during waking hours. If every task or project leaves you feeling unprepared, take note: fit errors do occur. Sometimes that “next step” in your career, has been the wrong step. It’s more than ok to acknowledge this.
• You are in avoidance mode. Be honest with yourself — the process of going to work is absolutely excruciating. If you had your druthers, you would never set foot in the office again. If you’ve tried to make things work and you still can’t envision a future for yourself in your current role, you have a serious problem.
• Your strengths aren’t being utilized. Ultimately our work should align with our strengths. If this is not the case, it’s time to start exploring other options. If you feel that your weaknesses have taken center stage, it’s unlikely you’ll stay energized for the long haul. Have a conversation with your supervisor now — and don’t wait.
• You feel disconnected. Does it feel as if everyone else is on one page and you are on another? Whether you work in customer service, sales or consulting — if it feels as if you are not aligning with the vision of the organization, the person-job match may be off. If you see yourself as a lonely island (and everyone is speaking an entirely different “language”), it may be time to explore moving on.
• You can’t seem to complete anything. Everything seems pointless and your level of motivation is at an all-time low. Are your psychological resources waning? Are you dealing with looming deadlines with a blank screen continually staring back at you? Have you simply stopped caring? All are telling signs.
• You are entering self-blame mode. You certainly can own the part of the problem that you’ve controlled (you’ve ignored your “inner voice”, for example). However, I guarantee there were plenty of other factors in play. The bottom line is this: You are not happy and it’s time to act. Blame doesn’t help things resolve — only a plan to move forward will.

Of course — please pay attention to physical signs of stress. If you are not sleeping or eating take heed. Feeling depressed or anxious is a clear indicator that something is off. Time to take the issue to your supervisor, a trusted mentor or a health professional.

Has this ever been your experience? How did you move forward? Share the story with our community.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist. She examines the effect of Core Stability on work & work life life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program since 2012 — her thoughts on work life have appeared in various outlets including Talent Zoo, Forbes, Quartz and The Huffington Post.

In one of my favorite workplace movies “Baby Boom”, the protagonist (Diane Keaton)  — a former NYC corporate shark turned mommy entrepreneur, returns to her former workplace as a pursued client.

Initially thrilled with the prospect of selling her young company “Country Baby” (facilitated by the firm which “let her go” somewhat callously), she suddenly realizes that how she had been treated in the past was more than simply “water under the bridge”.

In fact, it was much, much more.

The legacy of that memory, was enough for her to think twice and walk away confidently from the deal. We all applauded her in that sublime movie moment, and the decision that was ultimately was the right one for her character. Yet, she had realized that the events within her former path — held more than just simple history. She held a grudge,

Yet, a workplace grudge can often lead to far less positive outcomes. This includes lasting anger, stress and a lowered ability to handle our our future work lives.

Feeling slighted or wronged in any workplace situation is painful. The realization that you have been passed over for promotion or publicly criticized in a meeting, can be difficult to laugh off. It can be a real challenge to forgive others, when we feel they have purposely acted against us. As a result, we often stay “stuck”, angry and hurt — a massive energy drain which can potentially limit us.

Sadly, the damage of holding that grudge is more likely to affect us — than those responsible for the event.

Ultimately, it is best to resolve the feelings and move on, even when this can seem nearly impossible to contemplate. So — how do we begin to let go of a workplace grudge?

A few thoughts:

• Don’t hide. Many of us will seethe in silence —  rather than deal with the situation head on. If possible, discuss the situation directly with the individual involved. Explore their motivation, as it is important to determine if the action was carried out purposefully.
• Re-assess your reaction. It is possible that you have misinterpreted or over-reacted to the situation. This can be very difficult to evaluate on your own. Talk with a trusted friend or mentor about the situation. They may lend a different (and needed) perspective of the event.
• Play what “if”. What if the scenario posed itself again and the outcome was more positive? (For example, you landed a promotion the next time an opening occurred.) Could you move on and forgive? If the answer is yes, the situation may be salvageable.
• Don’t be blinded. Bitterness has a way of spilling over to adjacent events (and other people). Try not to let one event create a “toxicity” that impedes your progress toward a valued career goal or path. Be conscious of this and contain the damage.
• Be honest. If you feel your negative feelings cannot be tempered, it may be best to move on. Bearing a grudge has emotional and physical costs that can wear you down. Cut your losses and explore changing or departments or seek a position at another location or organization. Utilize the change as a fresh start – and don’t carry the grudge forward.

How have you ever held a workplace grudge? Did you resolve your feelings?

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, consultant and speaker.